There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
