There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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