i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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