Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
