That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
