I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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