How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
