well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just google imaged poop.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
