went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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