I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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