Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
