This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Randomize
