Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
soo... how was my night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
