I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
