I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
