I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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