love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
