Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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