He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I understand Curling. That high.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
