so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
