i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
