Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
