If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
