just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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