god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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