Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
