walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
