when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
