please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
