I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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