Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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