dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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