here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
