She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
