Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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