Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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