I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
