im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
