did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I am mentally ready for anal.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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