2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
