just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
