I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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