i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
