Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
