Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
