your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
