We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
