yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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