A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
