I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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